When Someone with Alzheimer’s Says They Want to Go Home

It’s not uncommon for those suffering from Alzheimer’s to repeatedly tell a caregiver that they want to go home. This can be incredibly frustrating when the person is already at home.

It’s essential for caregivers to understand that individuals aren’t necessarily asking to be taken somewhere but are instead yearning for comfort. Due to the ways the disease has damaged their brains, they are experiencing the world around them differently than we are. They may be lost in the past, remembering when they felt safe and secure. That’s the place they want to go back to, emotionally or mentally.

The kindest and most effective way to approach the situation is to meet them where they are, responding to the emotions behind their request and providing comforting reassurance. Helping them calm down reduces their fear or anxiety so they can let go of the idea, and it also gives you a chance to see if a physical need, such as pain or discomfort, is causing their behavior.

Logic or arguments don’t work with those who have dementia, so explaining that they’re already home or that they can’t return to a previous home is a waste of time. This will agitate them further. Instead, try to get creative and tailor responses to your senior’s personality, preferences, and history.

Start by reassuring and comforting them to validate their needs. Recognize that saying “I want to go home” may simply be their way of telling you that they’re scared, tense, or anxious. Validate their feelings by responding calmly and positively, helping them feel supported and understood. Maintain a soothing and relaxed manner, allowing them to calm down too. Depending on their preferences, give them hugs, gently stroke their arms, or sit quietly beside them. Consider giving them a stuffed animal, therapy doll, or soothing blanket to reassure them further.

Avoid explaining that they now live in assisted living or with you, that they sold their old home, or that they are already home. That information won’t register with their brain and will only make them feel like you don’t care or aren’t listening. They’ll also likely think that you’re preventing them from doing something very important to them.

One of the most effective dementia care techniques is being able to redirect and distract. Don’t feel discouraged if you don’t experience success initially; this technique tends to improve with practice. Start by agreeing and validating their request. Say something like, “OK, we’ll go soon,” which calms them down without telling them they’re wrong. Then subtly redirect and distract them with an unrelated activity. For example, you could suggest you get a sweater so they aren’t cold when they leave the house, then on the way to the bedroom, sit down for a cup of tea and begin a pleasant conversation. You could even invite them to tell you about their home, encouraging them to share enjoyable memories or describe their favorite room.

If they still refuse to let go of the idea of wanting to go home, despite your attempts at redirecting or soothing them, you could try taking them for a short car ride. Along the way, you could stop at the grocery store or coffee shop to try to distract and redirect. If it’s impossible to take them out to the car, you could at least help them get ready to leave the house. By assisting them to put on shoes and a coat, you demonstrate that you’re trying to help them accomplish their goal. Before you go out the door, however, try redirecting them to another pleasant activity at home.

Interestingly, what works once with someone with dementia may not work the second time. It may not work the first time, but it may be successful the next time. As always, it’s essential to remain flexible, creative, and calm as you deal with the various challenges dementia can bring.